The pain of the past
by DaChocolat
Summary: It's all in the past and yet there are present doubts and pain to deal with. Freed and Laxus watch TV but suddenly the cozy mood switches. / Fraxus / Freed comforting Laxus / Mention of abuse


**Another commission! This time it's for my OTP of OTPs again as you can see. I know that I have 'Coffee to go' to update but unfortunately I've just no motivation to continue it and wanna concentrate on smaller things and possible commis for a while. ;w; I won't forget about it though!**

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Freed and Laxus' lacrima tv was rarely in use. In the men's opinion there were way better ways to spend their free time with. Some of the options they thought of differed from each other and some were exactly the same. Whenever they _did_ use the lacrima tv though they seldom if ever managed to concentrate on it for all too long- not for a lack of concentration but because the temptation of concentrating on _each other_ was too high. And a better option to choose anyway.

The one thing they tended to pay attention to were the news. Freed mostly read the newspapers in the morning but at times that wasn't possible so every now and then they decided to catch up on some stuff by watching the news.

Just like right now.

Or at least Laxus did.

"Freed?" The dragon slayer huffed as the only response he got was a gentle squeeze on his leg when the younger man snuggled up closer to him. He had noticed that Freed was tired. Of course this stubborn idiot had refused to admit it but here was the perfect proof. "Yea, not tired at all…" But Laxus had to smile at this so typical scenario. Carefully he led one hand down to stroke some stray strands of hair out of Freed's face, his smile softening when he got a low incoherent mumbling noise in return.

Now he wouldn't dare to move, not wanting to ruin his mate's sleep but he did, again cautiously, sneak and arm around him whilst Freed's head was resting on his lap, expression peaceful and relaxed. Laxus loved to see him like this. It was so different from his usually stoic and strict features, the thin always severe looking eyebrows even when he was smiling. Luckily though he had always belonged to the very few people who got to see a different, more carefree and less serious side of the rune magician and that was something he had learned to appreciate so so much.

Bringing his attention back to the lacrima he had no idea that the loving thoughts about his boyfriend were not destined to last. He was clueless as to what was going to hit him next. Thus far there had been nothing all to disconcerting and even the next information _actually_ had a positive touch to it. And yet… when he heard these words…

 _'Man who was abused by his father finally has him jailed'_

It was an inevitable reaction, something so internalized that Laxus wasn't able to control it. Perhaps he would have had better control if he was in public, knowing that he could impossibly show this kind of weakness, but whilst his mind was fully aware that he was in the comfort of his home he couldn't keep himself from tensing up.

Nothing but negativity began to eat him up, the image of one certain man popping up before his inner eye. It was disgusting. He wanted to be neutral, he wanted to not care so much and yet… Oh he hated him. Ivan. His father, although he was not worthy of such a title.

Laxus clenched his fists, the sounds of the lacrima spacing out. He had become rather good at seeming unaffected over the years. He really couldn't care less about what this man was doing right now although he secretly wished him everything bad for what he had done to him, how he had messed him up. But at times… at such times, when he was alone (or with Freed because he had become so so much comfortable around him than he had been before they became a couple already anyway) it was like everything he held back or tried to ignore came over him in such a overwhelming wave that he couldn't tame.

Hissing through gritted teeth a shiver shook his body lightly. The dragon slayer grabbed the remote next to him to turn off the lacrima tv not noticing how these ever so little movements of his had roused his boyfriend from his sleep.

"Laxus…?"

The sleepy voice almost startled the blond. God, did he turn into a mess this fast, really? Quickly the dragon slayer wiped his face as he had noticed how damn near tears had come to welling up in his eyes. Being alone and thinking about this past of his made him vulnerable and he despised it with all his heart and soul. Why? He hated this man, he couldn't care less, he had brilliant people to call his family now. It didn't affect him as much when he was out, or back then when he fought against his father and his guild. Why now? Why in such moments? _Why at all_?

"Shit…," he cursed silently, ashamed that Freed had caught him. Honestly sometimes it was as if this man had some kind of ability that allowed him to feel Laxus' aura change. He took note of almost every tiny change in his behavior, his mood. Sometimes Laxus hated it and sometimes it was utterly wonderful to know just how much attention Freed paid and how he was always there for him.

"Is everything alright?" Alarm rang in the green-haired man's voice so clearly it almost made Laxus chuckle bitterly. He was already sounding much less sleepy though his hair looked a little messy now as he sat up and almost pierced him with his worried look.

"Yea… Yea, I'm fine."

"You're lying," Freed stated bluntly and then sighed. "You don't need to lie. What upset you?"

Why did he even try? The blond averted his eyes. He hadn't meant to worry him. Hell, this was ridiculous anyway! "'s nothing important." Laxus furrowed his thick brows, still not daring to recreate the eye-contact. "Just memories is all."

 _Memories._ When Laxus finally turned his head back to him he could see that Freed immediately caught on to what was going on. Of course he would. He saw how his turquoise eyes darkened for a moment, almost dangerously, and he swore that he felt the concentration of magic power around him rise immensely but then there was suddenly nothing but a look full of understanding and sympathy. _Freed…_

"It's ridiculous, I know." This time the bitter chuckle slipped past Laxus' lips.

"It's not." The rune mage's eyes narrowed slightly, his voice clear and steady. "This man has grievously wronged you. There is nothing horrible I have not secretly wished for him for what he has done to you." And 'wronged him' truly put it mildly. Ivan had abused him, not only physically but also mentally and he wasn't sure what was worse. All Freed knew is that he hated him for it, that he hated to know how much his own father had hurt Laxus. That they also put their guild in some trouble meant comparably little although it had, of course, upset them all as well.

"Freed…" In a way it was admirable to see just how angry and protective his boyfriend got. His voice may be as steady as ever yet but there was a flicker in his eyes that revealed just how upset he was. Lowering his head Laxus sighed before his own expression darkened a little. "He abused me, Freed, you can say it. He used me. I've been weak enough to let myself be abused and used."

"Don't say it like this."

" _But it's the goddamn truth_!" Laxus snapped, head whipping up and orange eyes meeting greenish blue ones. Now Freed seemed a little surprised, almost hurt, but Laxus knew that it wasn't because he had raised his voice at him just now. It was because he couldn't stand the thought of him going through pain. Because Freed loved him with everything he had.

"Dammit… I'm sorry…"

"Don't apologize…"

Freed's presence, his sincere love and his words always soothed him. And yet he felt how a goddamn teardrop slipped out of his eye and ran across his cheek. Had he really become a better man? Or would the treatment he got from his father always have an impact on him, forever?

And worse. Sometimes Laxus asked himself; how would he have looked now if it hadn't been for the lacrima? How strong would he have been? What about his general health?

Could it be that, in some way, he even had to _thank_ his father? Thank him for this _abuse_?

"What if-"

"No." Freed's word cut him off before he could voice this probably sick thought but gently so. Laxus felt how the other man shifted a little and then he could feel a thumb brush along his cheek, wiping away the teardrop that had managed to escape against his will. He knew that Freed wouldn't judge him and that he didn't see this reaction as weak and nonetheless he hated that there was something that could make him react like _this_. Things were in the past and yet they could still be so clearly present in the here and now. Why?

His boyfriend's thumb continued caressing his cheek until Laxus dared to look up and meet his gaze again and when he did so he got confronted with a serious mien on Freed's face. "You're a wonderful man, Laxus."

"I-

"You _are_ a wonderful man." Again Freed cut him off but this time he sounded stricter. The rune mage cupped the blond's face to ensure that he held his gaze and then continued. "I love you. Not for what you possess, not for what you look like or are capable of. I fell in love with you because of who you are and I want you, need you, to not forget this ever." There was a pause in which he eyed him. "You made me incredibly happy, and still do. You made so many people happy, Laxus. Bixlow, Evergreen. You are an important part of our guild. You have saved me, helped me become the man I am today. I still have my flaws, many that have their roots in my past as well, but it was _you_ who made me realize that there is still a way for me to better myself, to be a better person, to concentrate on my _positive_ traits. It was you who gave me the chance to learn what having a real family and real care means."

Laxus never questioned the sincerity of Freed's words (unless he was obviously joking or playing with him) and he didn't start doing so now. In fact he became speechless, so speechless like no one else but this man could make him. His cheeks had started to flush ever so faintly at these positive words, this praise, these sincere statements and he had to look away just to feel how Freed lifted his head up a bit so he would look at him again.

And then Freed smiled.

"I love you, Laxus. Please never forget about this. I will always be by your side."

Laxus swallowed. He perfectly felt how his eyes began to water again and he just wanted to try to pull away and shield his face out of instinct but thankfully his boyfriend gave him something different to focus on and wouldn't even see his face like this.

The dragon slayer got pulled down a little by his head slowly before he felt Freed's lips on his own. The greenet had closed his eyes and Laxus followed him a moment later, wanting to let himself fall so badly right now. There was barely any movement for a seemingly long moment, just Freed's warm palms on his cheeks and his lips against his, but once the rune mage noticed that his boyfriend didn't pull away he started to carry the kiss on a little.

It was an utterly chaste and tender gesture still. Laxus got to concentrate on Freed's unique scent that was usually a mixture of shampoo, spices, a bit of darkness and just _his_ scent, the attribute that made it _Freed's_ scent, and he got to taste his lips. He could hear his breathing and feel his warmth. There was no tongue, no rash motions, no roaming hands. Just this simple closeness and it was like the time around them froze for a wonderfully long moment.

When Freed withdrew a few inches Laxus kept his eyes closed for a couple of heartbeats longer. The kiss had kept more tears from escaping but that wasn't actually the thing he was most thankful for right now. No, what he was thankful for the most was the man in front of him, as kitschy as this may sound in his head.

The lightning dragon slayer opened his eyes, instantly looking squarely into lighter ones. How did he deserve someone like him? That was another question that sometimes found the way into his mind and he knew that voicing it would just draw more protest from the rune mage. And that even though Freed was thinking the exact way about him. The thought actually managed to make Laxus huff and when Freed finally let go of his face he almost wanted to tell him not to do that and kiss him again instead. Not only did it soothe him even further but it always felt so incredibly good and special. He felt… truly loved.

Witnessing the slight change in the other man's attitude had Freed smile again a bit and he tilted his head slightly before leaning his head against Laxus' shoulder, sighing. His hand began to rub the blond's thigh in a calming manner and the taller man began to rest his head against Freed's. "… I uh… I'm sorry that I woke you up…"

Really? He was daring to apologize now? The rune mage could have scolded him but he ended up just squeezing his thigh. "Don't apologize. I'm glad that I woke up."

And honestly, Laxus was, too… Even though he still hated the thought of anyone seeing him like this. With Freed it had always been a bit different.

"Besides, we can head to bed _together_ now… and perhaps cuddle a little…," Freed then suggested, his voice a bit lower than before and it was then that Laxus noticed how fatigue had seeped back into the rune mage's senses but also how drained he himself was feeling. Ah dammit… A sigh could be heard but the lightning mage still approved of the suggestion. "Sounds good to me."

 _Great_ actually. Laxus dared to close his eyes for a moment, wanting to focus on Freed only so bad. And although he wouldn't admit it aloud he would really like to feel the other male's arms around him right now.

 _I love you, too, Freed._


End file.
